Learning To Hope
by binie
Summary: Kagome tries to commit suicide, and fails. She transfers to a new city, new school,and basically starts a new life. But Sesshoumaru somehow breaks through her and finds she's not really who she leads them to believe. kagxsess. r&r..pls.
1. Escape

**sabbie.xoxo**

::grin::

My first ever ever ever ever fic!! (though I HAVE made a fic before but that was ages ago and it was c-r-a-p-p-p so I'm not gonna tell you what it was. xp)

My advanced apologies if this sucks... 

Anywaysss, this is set on the present time… cus I don't know much about the series. I mean, I love it like hell (and the character too o.o), but… I'm sorry to say I don't know the terms and words and whatnot.

I'm sorry!!!!!!!

Oh, and for the disclaimer, I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA…

There.. now,

Enough with the chit chat,

ON WITH THE STORY!!

ahemm

**Chapter 1: Escape**

* * *

Kagome's Point of View 

The world seems less scary from up here. Like all of my problems aren't such a big deal anymore. Like they're nothing compared to other people's.

This has been my whole existence. As if I were always standing on this rooftop. Oblivious to everyone. Nobody caring whether I'm here on not. Just an insignificant speck. No one really sees me unless they squint their eyes really hard and block out the sun.

I am.. nobody.

I carefully placed my left leg over the railings while keeping a hold on the bars. Slowly, I lifted my right leg as well so I'd be standing properly.

I felt like vomiting.

My hands were starting to slide off from their grip because of my sweaty palms. _Take a deep breath, _I told myself, _this'll all be over soon._

The people below didn't even notice that someone from above was threatening to jump off the 5 storey building. Not that I didn't expect that. Not that anyone was ever going to care. Nobody really cared now. And I am all alone. If I were to die, no one would be saddened. No one. And that cut me like a knife.

It had never occurred to me that it would be this hard being alone. I never knew that having no one would affect me so much. It turns out I'm just human, after all. And just like all humans, I get lonely, too. I worry about my next meal and how I'm going to pay the bills. I think about whether to get a job and a scholarship or if i should just get some student loan.

Everyday I worried. Money, bills, school, if i was going insane or not. But.. it was mostly having no one to depend on.

I was a teenager. A _teenager_. And yet I was acting as if i were an adult. Ready to face the world and fight whatever comes my way.

But that was the thing,

I wasn't ready.

I didn't know how to do anything right, and I just.. couldn't do it.

I wanted to be taken care of, to be scolded, to stop worrying every waking second... I wanted to be loved.

But even if my father had been alive, he was never one to get all touchy-feely anyway. He.. always kept his distance.

He never ever looked me in the eye. Not since my mother's death. He wouldn't even dare touch me. They said I reminded him too much of her. When he'd be leaving for months at a time for a business trip, all I'd get was a pat on the head and an "I'll be back soon. Don't forget to lock up, okay?" ..he always did come back. Some nights I'd wake up crying, thinking he had abandoned me. But he always came back. And even when he was less of a father then, I loved him as I would a father, and I knew deep inside he cared.

Now, though, he's gone. Gone like all the passengers in his flight. Gone like the plane that had its propeller malfunction and sent them crashing down to the ocean.

There's no body. I will never get to see him again.

The last words I said to him were, "don't forget to come back," I remember being so embarrassed after saying that. The words just came out of my mouth.

Now he's really gone. He really has abandoned me.

Now.. absolutely nobody cares for me.

I am unloved.

The pain will go away soon enough. I'll make sure of it.

With a small smile on my face I let my fingers slip little by little, until I let go entirely and plunged down below.

_Sweet relief here I come._

* * *

So????? Did you like it?? 

No of course Kagome doesn't die!! Haha..

I'ts Kikyo who I don't like all that much. Wahahaha….. haaaaah

I'll update soon. But please review… :c :c :c T.T

Pleeeeaaaaasseeee.

No flames, if possible. But if my writing really sucks,, just… break it to me gently.

Wahahaha

Tis a long a/n isn't it…

Welp, tah tah for now.

Mwah!

sabbie.xoxo

p.s. kagomexsesshoumaru


	2. Life and Conversations

**sabbie.xoxo**

hugs and kisses to: ShedNoMoreTears, Ayjah, kittykagome13, Yuki-805.

Thank you guys soooo much!!mwah!

i.. thought I'd update sooner. Haha….

Hope you enjoy!!!

For kyle, my brace buddy! Haha… nothing. you better gimme a gift on my birthday!

Please like it :c. and review!!

oh, and also, I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA.

**Chapter 2: Life and Conversations**

* * *

_I felt like I was floating. An unnatural wave of happiness swept over me._

_This was my escape. No more worries, no more pain. What I'd been wanting all along._

_The weight of the world on my shoulders had disappeared. My sweet relief._

_This was the way things were supposed to go. For the first time, my life went exactly the way I wanted it to._

_Then.. everything went black._

* * *

I weaved in and out of consciousness. Barely managing to make out what was happening. 

I felt numb. I could hear people screaming, sirens flaring, and people talking in hush voices.

It had seemed an eternity by then, but I was almost blinded by this bright light before me.

Then it hit me.. I was dead?

This was what people talked about in those daytime talk shows? The dark tunnel, with a bright light at the end, and Jesus calling out to you?

This was death.. all I had to do was go towards the light.

I would see my Mom and Dad again. I would finally get a chance to tell them all the things I never got a chance to say.

And all I had to do was go towards the light.

My legs felt like boulders. I started with small steps, but I seemed to be running as I got closer.

It seemed as though I was just a few feet away, when I felt a pull. I was being pulled away. They were going to make me live that horrible life again.

"_No!"_

It was no use. The light was gone. And I was being pulled back.

* * *

­­­­­ 

I was declared medically dead for four minutes and thirteen seconds. The doctors somehow managed to get my heart beating again.

The impact of my fall caused one of my ribs to pierce my lung. A few broken bones here and there. They said my lungs would heal but the tear would lead to shortage of breathe every once in a while. Other than that, there were no permanent damages.

They kept telling me how lucky I was.

I wanted to tell them that I was an obviously disturbed teenage girl who had just tried to commit suicide and now woke up with no one to pay the hospital bills, but I was too tired to even bother.

Yeah, lucky. If _that's_ what you call it.

* * *

­­ 

During my stay at the hospital I had noticed that a petite, woman (who looked about in her mid-twenties) whom I didn't know kept visiting me.

I always pretended to be asleep whenever she came.

She seemed not to be bothered by that. Though I don't know if she knew I was faking it or not. But she just sits beside my bed, reading a book. Sometimes she looks at me with a reminiscing look on her face, then shakes her head as if changing her trail of thought, and proceeds to fixing the flowers than only she gives me.

She always came on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays—usually around 2pm to 8pm. She has raven hair, pretty brown eyes, and has verbal fights on her cell phone with a "Miroku".

But other than that, I knew nothing about who she was and why she even bothered with me.

One day, while she had her back turned to me tending to the flowers, I finally got the courage to talk to her.

"Who are you?"

She jumped, surprised. Then turned to look at me.

"I'm glad to see you're finally awake, Kagome." She smiled warmly.

"I..uh.. You didn't answer my question." I avoided her gaze.

She sighed. "Of course, you don't recognize me. It has already been so long…"

She smiled once again.

"I am your aunt Sango, your father's sister"

* * *

I had an aunt for cripe's sake. A FREAKIN aunt. 

And all that time I thought I had nobody to pull me together.

Then I find out that I have an aunt.

She said she and my father had a falling out. Whenever I ask her why, she changes the subject. When I asked her why it took so long for her to find me after my father's death, she said she didn't even know about it and had just recently found out when the hospital contacted her about me. She was listed as my guardian.

She said my father loved me very much.

"How would you know that? You were never even there my whole life." I said rather bitterly.

But she just smirked as if she was hiding something and said, "Because."

I scoffed at her.

* * *

"You look so much like you mother, very beautiful. And you act like her too." 

I stopped midway from eating a spoonful of jell-o. My hand was still in mid-air, my mouth open. When I heard her say this, I put the spoon back in the tray and looked down.

"I don't like talking about her, much less be compared to her. "

She said a small, "Oh," then went back to reading her book.

The subject was making me very uncomfortable.

"Uhm.. what am I…" I stammered, "I mean, what's going to happen… once I'm finally out?"

I looked down at my pale hands.

"You'll be staying with me, of course! What, did you think I was just gonna let my niece off in the streets?" she seemed to cheer up at the thought. Not about me being in the streets, but with me staying with her.

"So.. uh.. Where?"

She smiled, "Well, I live at a neighboring city; it's about two hours from here… I hope you don't mind it being so far away and all,"

I managed a small smile, "No, not at all.."

It was perfect. Not that far but far enough.

I looked out the window. My bones were healing fast enough. Soon I would be out of this hospital and starting a new, much different life- just what I needed.

But.. still.. I couldn't help but wonder,

_Why didn't my aunt ever mention anything about my previous suicide attempt?_

* * *

please review!! oh, and kagome meets sesshoumaru at the next chapter.. i think... we'll just see... 

hmm.. if i get a lot of reviews i might update tomorrow..

that's IF. haha

sabbie.xoxo

mwah!

pls review:c


	3. The Art of Smiling

**sabbie.xoxo**

**LEARNING TO HOPE**

I CHANGED THE TITLE… CUS…. I WASN'T CONTENTED WITH THE PREVIOUS ONE. Ahehe..

I got 4 reviews!! Haha!! Welp, at least that's TWO MORE than last time.. haha

Mwah!s to Ayjah, mimiru (), elemental573, Sesshy's Rose, kittykagome13, kanami7, lunar kitsune terror: .. I hope I didn't leave anyone out!

Sooo.. since I can't sleep….

I figured. Haha…

I hate you Kyle. You haven't even read my story, and I can't believe I actually effing dedicated that chapter to you :sticks tongue out:

Oh well,

:smiles:

On with the story!!

I DON'T OWN INUYASHA.

**Wait****! I'm kinda screwing up cus at the first chapter I focused more on Kagome being unloved, but in THIS chapter it's more about her being so young and scared to face the world alone.**

**I'm sorry!! T.T**

**Soooo.. I edited the first chapter! Waha! I hope hope hope you like it!! **

Anyways.. this chapter is for (not kyle --) MY manie x)

**Chapter 3: The Art of Smiling**

* * *

Ever since my father had died, all I've ever wanted was to make things go back the way they were. I wasn't cut out to be on my own, and just the thought of the outside world scared me. I wanted to run and hide, refuse to live the life I was supposed to now that I was alone.

That was the thing, the only solution was to grow up; and take charge. Problem was, I was never one to take responsibility, nevertheless of my own life.

I had been scared… and worse, alone.

I couldn't sleep, and barely had any appetite to eat. Going to school had been a nightmare; people would whisper every time I passed, giving me pitying looks.

I was running out of money from the bank account my father gave me. I didn't know how to manage the house, how to pay the bills, I didn't even know who my father's lawyer was so I could ask him about a will.

I was teetering on the borderline of insanity.

I went through rages, and crying fits. I started mutilating myself to ease away the pain. Soon I stopped going to school altogether; I stayed at home where I thought I was the safest.

But the memories made it unbearable.

It only made me realize that since I had no other family left, I had nobody. No one who cared

That's what led me to the thoughts.

Suicide.

I tried slitting my wrists, but I could never cut deep enough.

I tried overdose, but I ended up vomiting it out.

That's what led me to go as far as to jump off a building.

* * *

I stayed at the hospital for two months, just to make sure that my body could function properly before I left. The insurance would cover it, so I didn't have to worry about my aunt Sango.

When the day came when I was to finally leave, she gave me a bouquet of poppies and a t-shirt that said, 'STRONG' and had a picture of an old lady showing off her biceps. I managed a "Thank you," and suppressed a smile even though flowers reminded me of funerals and she probably gave me that shirt because she was trying to show me the irony of it.

Huh. So my aunt had a sense of humor.

* * *

Five hours after that incident, I was packed and ready to go. Another hour after that, and we were on the road. I never imagined that changing your life would be this easy; to just pack up all your belongings and be off on the road with your aunt who had Mika blasting from the car stereo.

Of course, it didn't hurt that she had taken the liberty to manage all my school files and somehow had me transferred in the middle of the school year to a decent school.

I dozed off a couple of times, with each time waking up with the car pulled over at a rest stop or a thrift store. This killed about an hour and made us late in arriving.

She lived at the third floor of a building that had plant boxes on almost all the windowsills. I took this as a good sign that the place was decent enough.

Her apartment was just the right size for the both of us. She seemed to have a thing for hanging pictures around though. The place was filled with them.

"Who's this?" I asked, gesturing to the man in the picture she kept beside the sofa. He had his arms around her. They seemed happy.

"That's Miroku," she answered, "my boyfriend,"

I nod as if to say, "Oh, so that's the one who keeps calling you up,"

I stood up from the chair and yawned, "So…" she looks at me, "Where am I staying?"

* * *

I had my own room.

I freaking had my own room.

And all this time I thought she'd have me sleeping on a pull-out couch.

I have my very own room in this life, too.

I wanted to hug her and tell her how much I loved her at that moment for having a spare room. Thank God I caught myself just in time.

I pursed my lips into what seemed like a desperate attempt to smile and said, "Thanks. This is great."

* * *

She had told me that I would be going to a private school somewhere close enough that I could just walk home from school. The uniforms she got me fit snugly.. one thing I noticed- the skirt was too short.

I looked down at the clothes, the back at her to see her anxious face. For the first time I had smiled at her fully, with my teeth showing.

I took this as practice for the real thing, to see if it was convincing or not.

"Thank you, Aunt Sango.." I said, "for everything."

She seemed shocked at this statement and started to tear up. I looked away; crying people always made me uneasy. She walked toward me and chuckled, before putting her arms around me in a tight hug.

"You're welcome, Kagome…. You're very welcome."

I felt a tug in my heart and returned her hug.

I really _did_ feel grateful. This was the other life I had asked for. No worries, no pain, no more focusing on keeping my sanity.

I had been given a chance to start over again. I could make this life whatever I wanted to be. I was starting from scratch.

And all of this, Aunt had given me.

When we pulled away, and she wiped her tears, I smiled at her again; for real this time.

* * *

Two Days Later..

I splashed cold water on my face and looked up to see my reflection on the bathroom mirror.

I frowned.

Bags had formed under my eyes because I hardly got any sleep last night.

Today was the day.

Today was _the _day.

The day I'd be going to my new school.

So to say, my 'first' day of school.

I forced a grin to see if it looked genuine enough. I once read that even just the act if smiling can trigger the chemicals that make you feel happy. Something to do with the muscles. Or something like that.

My face looked… lopsided. As if I had just swallowed something sour.

_Could it be that I've actually forgotten how to smile?_ I thought.

_Maybe I'm just not used to seeing myself like that,_

I shrugged the thought off and proceeded to brush my teeth.

_Maybe._

* * *

I put on my uniform and added my own personal touch, instead of using school shoes I was wearing flat shoes and knee-high socks with print.

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. I had never experimented with my wardrobe before, let alone with my uniform.

_Well, _I thought to myself, _this is just something new to go along with the new me._

I walked out the door humming, dragging my bag with me.

* * *

I stopped by the office first thing when I got to the school to get my locker number, and my schedule. Fortunately, they didn't have anyone to show me around the campus so I just happily got lost and strolled around for a while.

My classroom was in the 4th floor, which wasn't so bad, considering the building had 8 floors, so I thought of myself as lucky that I didn't have to climb the stairs that far. A fact which impressed me too because my former school used to just have 5 floors.

I quietly went in the room and sat on a chair at the farthest corner. Nobody had noticed me slip in, and nobody but one guy was sitting down.

I rested my head on my hand and gazed outside the window.

_What now?_

I got distracted by the scenery that I didn't even notice that the class had quieted down and the teacher was in the room.

"Good morning everyone,"

I looked up and sat up stiffly at the sight of the teacher.

She cast a sweeping glance at the class and spotted me right away. Like a cheetah amongst the zebras. I moaned at my comparison.

"Well! It seems like we have a new face in the class." She said.

She held out her arm, "If you would please stand up and introduce yourself,"

My whole body went numb and I felt myself go up on my feet.

The whole class turned to look at me.

Showtime

I smiled widely and said, "Hello everyone.. My name is Kagome Higurashi, and I just moved here from Tokyo. I hope to get to know all of you well soon enough." as enthusiastically as I could.

The teacher motioned for me to sit down and proceeded with the lesson.

I sighed exasperatedly.

Pretending to be someone I wasn't had felt… weird. In a good way. This way nobody would really find out who I am and I don't have to be the freak in school again.

I felt giddy.

So this is how it begins.

* * *

Aahhh!! Sorry if I've taken so long to update!

I'm sorry sorry sorry!!

And I hope you like the new title better!

Please review! I really need some motivation..

And I'll really try to update faster cus the counselor gave me.. an assignment that I'd really FINISH this fic.. cus I've written countless of stories and I haven't finished even just one.

Pathetic, I know..

Wish me luck, guys!

Please review!

:sigh: tah tah for now,

**sabbie.xoxo**


	4. Starting at the End

**sabbie.xoxo**

Learning to Hope

Ayjah: Yeah the whole "hope" thing?? I couldn't think of anything else and.. that word kinda has meaning to me . xp and I was thinking maybe with her aunt she'll have a new, better perspective of life. Or something like that. Haha..

Sesshy's Rose: Thanks so much for the review: it really ::uh:: motivated me! Hehe. xp

Guys if you have any suggestions about the title please tell me. 

Mwah!s to Ayjah, SaberLima, Night'sBullet, antina888, EmoPrincessMya15, Search123, claire (), AND Sesshy's Rose. :p

Thank you for the reviews and story alerts:x though I'd really appreciate it if you give reviews… if you have anything bad to say, welp… just .. don't be too harsh.

The moment we've all been waiting for.. ::drumroll::

The two lost souls finally meet!!!!!! AAAAHHH::claps and jumps around::

::sigh::

This chapter is dedicated to you guys::grins::

**Chapter 4: Starting at the End  
**

* * *

_What we call the beginning is also an end_

_And to make an end is to make a beginning_

_The end is where we start from_

I came across the quote in our literature book. I underlined it and couldn't help but doodle the words the rest of the day.

_The end is where we start from._

I kept saying the words in my head. Over and over again. It was like the world telling me to just get over the past and suck it all up and live in the now.

I sighed and looked out in the window.

_If only that were as easy as it sounds._

The bell rang for lunchtime, and everyone except me stood up and left the classroom. I went out when I was the only one left.

God help me I didn't even know where the cafeteria was.

I walked around for a while and walked up, instead of down, the stairs. At that moment I wanted nothing more than be isolated from everyone.

I had reached the topmost floor and smiled at the quietness of it. I was looking down, and for the first time in my life felt safe.

I wasn't so vulnerable anymore.

My mask was… the only thing that protected me.

I turned at a corner and found stairs leading to a closed door upstairs.

_A ninth floor?_ I though.

Then it dawned on me.

The rooftop.

I carefully made my way up and hesitated before opening the door.

Oh, the memories.

I closed my eyes and reminded myself that I wasn't that person anymore.

_No more_.

I breathed in deeply and shut the door behind me.

I was attracted by the view and walked towards the railings. I stopped dead on my heels halfway there.

_No, not the railings._ I thought.

I turned around and froze once again.

There had been someone in the shade watching my mental debate all this time.

He raised an eyebrow at me then went back to reading his book.

The light played around his face and I recognized him as the guy I noticed earlier in class.

I walked toward the shade, not making a sound, and then sat down on the floor some distance from him.

"We're in the same class, aren't we?" I said

He nodded, still reading his book.

"It's pretty quiet up here… like some place you'd want to keep all to yourself." I sighed. "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you."

He shrugged.

I frowned at myself. I really had no idea why I was compelled to talk to this guy, whoever he is. I just… felt that he wouldn't judge me. No matter what stupid thing I'd say.

It seemed like the last thing he needed was me here, bothering his alone time.

Right then he was me and I was a normal person trying to make up a conversation.

And I liked that, having the feeling of being normal.

"I'm Kagome, by the way" I muttered.

He looked at me, then seemed to think twice before answering.

"Sesshoumaru"

That would be the only word he'd said to me throughout the day.

* * *

"Aunt Sango?" I called out when I had reached home. 

She came running from the kitchen with her apron still on and gave me a bear-hug. I almost stumbled because I was taking my shoes off.

"So??" she gave me a big smile, with all her teeth showing. "How was today?"

"It was everything I could have ever dreamt of," I returned her smile and faked excitement "I think I'm gonna be Prom Queen!"

She looked annoyed, in a good way, and slapped me gently on the arm, "Stop kidding around, Kagome,"

I sat down. "It was okay, I guess.. I was good and no one noticed I'm a freak so thank God for THAT" I looked up.

"I'm kidding again," I said when I saw her frown.

"C'mon Kagome, you don't really think that, do you?"

I shrugged.

She sat down beside me. "You are NOT a freak, you hear me? You just had an emotional breakdown then, but now I'm here" she put an arm around me for emphasis "you don't have to worry."

An uncomfortable silence followed.

"Do I smell cookies?" I said.

* * *

"I spoke to your father's lawyer today," Sango said. 

"What did he say?" I stuffed cookies in my mouth, hungry because I hadn't eaten anything the whole day.

She had told me that together with my mother's life insurance, my father had left me close to 1.5 million.

If I didn't have a mouthful of cookies my jaw would've dropped to the floor.

She smiled at me, "See? Things are already looking up"

I swallowed, "I'm a millionaire"

"But," she cuts in, "you can't handle the money until you turn twenty one"

"Twenty one?! Why not earlier, when I turn eighteen??"

She shrugged, "Your father must have thought you'd drop out of school and live off the money or something…"

I ate another cookie.

"And all this time I thought he didn't know me."

* * *

Phew. Done in one night.. xp 

Oh, and the quote was by T.S. Eliot..

I really hope you liked this chapter !

Please review, I'd really appreciate it.

I'll update sooner if you do … xp

Welp, till next time

::smiles:: tah tah

**sabbie.xoxo**

p.s. click the GO button down there. haha


	5. Rewinding

**sabbie.xoxo**

Learning to Hope

Mwah!'s to INUYASHA-BABE345433 (phew your name is confusing xp), Fear not the darkness, twilight dawn (pretty name :), onebadarrowshootingirl, EternalLove495, courtneykogalove, Shessy fan lexxie, Demon Goddess of Death (:x) , **Ayjah** (i love it that you keep track of the story xp haha :),Tsukimaru89, aaaand to elemental573(I'm sorry I didn't write your name on the last chapter xp)

Everyone, THANK YOUUUUU for the reviews and story alerts:x

::sigh::

I hope you'll like this chapter, it kinda goes back to Kagome's past.. it goes to flashback then present , flashback-present-flashback-present.. well, kinda. Haha . but it's not confusing, I think. xp

This chapter is for, R.T., RTRTRT….. and YOU GUYS..haha xp

::smiles::

**Chapter 5: Rewinding  
**

* * *

Flashback

_I had a skip in my walk today, which surprised me. I was humming too, which was even more shocking._

_For the past few months I had a kind of fluttering feeling in my chest. I was giddy, and I was actually looking forward to the days ahead. I didn't know it at the time but…I was happy._

_God forbid I was even smiling at strangers._

_He had been waiting for me on a bench, gazing at me in a way which made me feel naked as I made my way toward him._

_I smiled at him as he stood up, taking my hand in his._

"_Do you wanna go for a walk?" he said, gesturing to the park across us._

_I nodded, squeezing his hand._

_We walked around for a while, talking about random stuff. He seemed tense, but I decided to ignore it and dismiss the assumptions that automatically formed in my head._

_He led me to an old oak tree, and patted the ground next to where he settled. I carefully sat down and waited for him to say something. I wouldn't take a genius to figure out that something was definitely wrong. _

_I watched him as he pulled the blades of grass. There was no denying that he had looks; every time I looked at him my heart seemed to skip a beat, and I could think of nothing more than how lucky I was to have him._

"_Kagome, I-…" he looked at me sadly._

_My blood ran cold. "W-what's wrong?.."_

"_I'm so sorry Kagome, I-.." he glanced away, pain entwined in his voice, "I'm so, so sorry…"_

"_K-koga…What are you talking about?... W-why are you…" my voice trailed away._

_His face looked miserable. "Kagome, I'm sorry, but… I just can't do this a-…"_

_I froze._

"_I'm so, so sorry" he whispered, closing his eyes._

_I remembered… before, when we had just started dating, he had said that he could never bear to see me get hurt… so right then, was that why he had closed his eyes?_

"_The last thing I'd want is for you to get hurt…"_

_But it was too late._

_It hurt so much and nothing could make it go away. I gave him my whole heart willingly and he had ripped it to pieces right in front of me._

_I saw him opening his mouth but no sound reached my ears. I didn't care for the clichéd words that he would say. I took a risk in loving someone fully, unconditionally, and it still wasn't enough. I was still the one who was left; still the one who got hurt in the end._

_He put his arms around me and started cradling me, muttering the word, "sorry" countless of times. I closed my eyes, limp from his touch. But then…it hit me._

_This man was breaking up with me. He was hurting me so much right now. And here I was, in his arms, as if the love he used to have for me was still there._

_I pulled away abruptly._

"_Kagome-.."_

"_No." I said firmly. "Don't you ever say my name like that again…not with so much feeling. You don't get to do that. Not anymore"_

_He reached his hand toward me but I flinched._

"_Don't." I stood up, emphasizing every word with spite "You. Ever. Touch. Me."_

_That night I had cried endlessly, throwing away everything that reminded me of him._

So long, Koga.._ I had kept on thinking.  
_

_This was what I always did with memories that hurt. I threw them away or kept them locked up so they wouldn't cause me pain anymore._

_But they never stay hidden for long. Eventually the past catches up to you brings back all the thing you thought you had long forgotten and it hurts more than ever._

_Not that I didn't know. Not that I minded._

End of Flashback

* * *

I still enjoy the usual clichéd love story every once in a while. But when it goes to the part where the guy admits his love for the girl and says that he could never love anyone else, I boo the at the TV and say, "Oh, come _on_. That's a load of bullshit and you know it." 

My aunt looked at me and said, "Where does a pretty girl like you get so much hate into your heart?"

I looked at her and shrugged. "I guess I'm just not that lucky when it comes to love."

She smiled at me pitifully and I mimed sticking a finger down my throat.

She laughed.

I went back to school wearing the same things I did yesterday- the skimpy uniform, flats with knee-high printed socks, and a big, fake smile plastered on my face.

I was surprised when some girls approached me as I entered the classroom.

"Hi there," a girl with braces said, "Kagome, right? I'm Aya."

I smiled and said, "Hi," back.

Her friends introduced themselves after; I didn't remember their names for long. They asked me a couple of questions which I answered warily; careful not to reveal anything I didn't want them to know.

I was making friends.

* * *

Flashback

_I threw up immediately after I woke up. I almost cried when I saw that I had vomited blood. I knew I was starting to have ulcer since I hardly ever ate anything._

_I was more distraught that I had been in my life, but I still went to school almost everyday, only missing it when I needed time to regain myself. _

"_Hi Miyu," I said, walking up to her._

"_Oh, hi Kagome," she looked surprised that I'd even approach her._

"_It seems like forever since we last hung out,"_

"_Yeah," she was avoiding my gaze "I've been very busy lately… Listen, I really have to go now but I'll catch up with you later okay?"_

_She strolled away before I could even reply._

End of Flashback

* * *

I paid extra attention to the lessons in an attempt to make the time go by faster. It worked, though. The bell rang for lunchtime and once again I was the only one left in the classroom. 

_I really have to find out where the cafeteria is_¸ I thought to myself.

Left with no other choice, once again I was making my way to the rooftop.

I found him in the same place he was yesterday, reading the same book, and I sat at the same place I did.

We sat there in silence, which didn't bother me one bit. I just closed my eyes and listened to the passing wind.

* * *

Flashback

_I turned around and started walking the opposite direction when I saw him. I knew he wanted to talk to me, since he had been trying to get a hold of me for the past two weeks; I was in no state to face him._

_I felt someone grab my arm. "Kagome, wait."_

_He pulled me gently._

"_I need to talk to you."_

_I looked down and muttered, "There's nothing to talk about,"_

"_Please. Give me five minutes, that's all I ask."_

_I found myself nodding slowly and he led me to a deserted hallway near the entrance._

"_I heard about your father. I'm… sorry" he said._

_I have always wondered why people say sorry whenever tragedy strikes you. It's not like they were the ones responsible for it. It's not like saying those words could make things better. _

_But from Koga's mouth those words were a familiarity to me._

"_If you ever need anything," he muttered, "I'm here for you, I hope you know that.."_

_I smiled at him sadly._

"_No you're not, Koga…You just feel sorry for me.. I have nothing. I lost my mother, then you, and now my father. But you…you have everything, don't you? That's why …" his expression changed, "and now you're guilty. Because you have your happy life and your new gorgeous girlfriend and here I am, with nothing."_

_I backed away from him and continued, "You're just sorry because things didn't work out for me as great as they did for you…"_

_I turned around and walked away from him for the last time, leaving him speechless._

End of Flashback

* * *

**One week later,**

I sat at the place far from him, just as I did every lunch time; I still didn't know where the cafeteria was.

I glanced at Sesshoumaru; he was reading a different book from last week, one by Paulo Coelho. I breathed in deeply, determined to make conversation unlike the past week where we had done nothing apart from the usual glances and court greetings.

"You know," I said, interrupting the silence "I've just realized that I know nothing about you aside your name… and it's already been a week since I've started wasting lunch time up here with you."

I smiled at him meekly before adding, "Who are you, really, Sesshoumaru?"

He slowly put down his book and looked at me intently.

"I think," he said quietly, "the question should be, who are _you_, Kagome."

"Eh?"

He had a serene expression on his face. "I've noticed... when you smile your eyes don't squint the way they're supposed to, which means your smiles are fake; your laugh seems to be forced, and you always watch out for the right timing so as not to hurt the other person's feelings, and whenever you engage in a conversation with someone, you always make sure that the subject is focused on the other person, avoiding to talk about yourself."

My jaw dropped open. For the first time I had him speak more than two words and all he had said was nothing I wanted to hear.

He raised his eyebrow. "Who are you, really, Kagome?"

"I-.. uh.. You don't-…I mean-.." I couldn't think of anything to say.

He continued to stare at me, waiting for my answer.

"D-d'you know where the cafeteria is?" I managed to say.

* * *

Flashback

_I turned the key and went inside the house._

_It felt empty…just as it always did._

_I walked through the halls, then up the stairs, keeping my gaze on the floor. There was nothing to look at anyway, all the walls had that I passed long the way were squares on it which stood out from the fading wallpaper, constantly reminding me of the pictures that hung there years ago before my father took them all down._

_I opened the door to my room and plopped down on my bed, lying still; watching the small rays of sunlight that passed through the blinds._

_I closed my eyes, waiting for the doorbell to ring. It had taken some time before I found myself weaving in and out of sleep._

_I woke up to the sound of the telephone downstairs ringing. I made my way through the darkness, not bothering to turn the lights on. It hurt more when I could see._

"_Hello?" I said flatly, half expecting it to be my father telling me that he had to stay away longer._

"_Hello?" came a female voice through the receiver, "is this Ms. Higurashi?"_

"_Yes…"_

_The voice hesitated for a while, "This is Ms. Hoshino from Tokyo Airlines a-and... I've been told to inform you that.." she paused "Ms. Higurashi... your father... was one of the passengers of the plane that crashed down…"_

_My mind went blank and I accidentally dropped the phone._

_No no no... this could NOT be happening.. not after all the bad things that had already happened._

_An unmeasurable grief went over me. _

"_Ms. Higurashi? … Ms. Higurashi?!"_

_I closed my eyes and let the darkness of unconsciousness engulf me._

End of Flashback

* * *

Woo… done aaand done! 

I know but kinda sad though. T.T

Yeah uhm… I'm really sorry if you didn't like this chapter..

Please review! I'd really like to know what you think of it…

Anyways … as you know by now, I made KOGA her ex-boyfriend ::snickers::

Bwahaha!!!

tah tah my dears!

**sabbie.xoxo**

p.s. please click the Go button down there :c


	6. His Thoughts

**binie-**

(yep i changed my name xp)

Soooooo sorry i took so long to update. You know how life is.. -.-

Thank you's and mwah!s to everyone who commented and waited for an update. :) i know this is a short one x( but worry not! i will update within the week or so.

Please bear with me. Stuff happen, shit happens. Life, you know?

Anyways, someone commented that they'd wanna know what Shesshy thinks, so here it is X)

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha

This chapter is for my readers and for AJK.

**Chapter 6: His Thoughts  
**

* * *

Sesshoumaru's Point of View

I leaned in closer to the railings to get a better look at her. For the past half hour she had crossed the courtyard several times already, reaching the opposite ends of the school at least five times. I should know; my eyes had been trailing her the whole time.

This became her routine every noontime since our last, and also first, conversation. At that time her face had said it all. I just told her something she never wanted anyone to find out. She seemed to waver for a split second, but quickly regained composure and proceeded to change the topic. She'd been my object of amusement since then.

Walking all alone there almost seemed to be a child-like innocence about her. She stopped to look at flowers, smiled at people she knew and talked to herself whenever she thought no one was looking. But I knew better. That girl was far from innocent. Everything about her was either really false, or just erudite. She faked smiles, laughter, even emotions. She talked without actually saying anything at all. But what I noticed the most about her was lingering smell of death she always seemed to have.

There was no doubt in my mind that she was hiding something. I was so curious to the point that it actually irritated me.

Nobody had ever piqued my interest before, but this Kagome Higurashi certainly had.

I took a step back when she looked up at my direction. I dreaded to think of her reaction when she found out I had been watching her all this time.

I refused to think of myself as a stalker. I was merely.. observing.

* * *

Sorry for the length of this chap.

Will promise to try harder.

Sorry if this is crappy writing.

I will reeaaaaaally try.


	7. Acquaintances

You can hate me all you want. I warned you though. I'm soooo soooorryyyy T^T

So anyways, I got my heart broken and trampled upon (too much info I know)

Here's hoping it isn't crap xx.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha.

**Chapter 7: Acquaintances**

**

* * *

  
**

_Sesshoumaru's POV_

_I leaned my arms on the railing and moved forward to get a closer look at her. She had been strolling around the courtyard for about half an hour now, walking so fast she reached the ends of the school and had to go back again several times. She cheerfully greeted some people who passed by, but the second they looked away all the cheeriness would immediately fade away. Walking, she was deep in thought. It wouldn't have surprised me if she accidentally bumped into a post or a tree. Her expressions would change from happy, to sad, then angry, hopeless, pained, then she'd shake her head and the cycle would start all over again. There was never a dull moment watching her._

_I figured her behavior was so because she was unaware of someone up here observing her, in a non-stalker kind of way of course. I saw emotions ripple across her face that I would never have seen in the classroom. She was just so careful all the time, so calculating. It amazed me that she had so much endurance to keep up the act. _

_Kagome Higurashi… the girl was really an enigma to me._

_Since our last encounter, she had stopped spending her lunchtime up here with me. I still remember her face when I told her all those things in noticed about her, her look of shock, and surprisingly… fear. It seemed like she'd rather jump off a building than have someone uncover all the things she tried so hard to hide. What puzzled me the most was… the strong, lingering smell of death she seemed to carry around with her. I could immediately point out a lie whenever she spoke, and that was about every sentence that came out of her mouth. Even worse, whenever she was near enough I could actually feel how much pain she kept inside._

_I wasn't usual for someone to pique my interest… but she certainly had._

(This was the alternate for the last chapter)

* * *

Kagome's POV

I looked down at my feet and skipped childishly as I walked home. Nothing particularly interesting happened today; since our last meeting, I'd stopped spending my lunch hour at the rooftop with Sesshoumaru, resorting to walking around the school grounds instead. It was just another boring, routine day; just the way I like it.

I sighed. _Too bad, I really did want to get to know him better.._

The truth was, he reminded me of myself in a way; so un-social and clammed up in his own world. I couldn't blame him though, if I had any other choice I'd stop hanging out with those two-faced, shallow classmates of mine. At least _he_ had the guts to be true to himself; I, on the other hand, filled my days with fakeness. Fake smiles, fake laughter, fake enthusiasm, fake interest, fake… persona. Heck, I even made up a whole life story for anyone interested.

I was supposedly living tentatively with my aunt because both my parents were working abroad. Why couldn't they just take me to live with them? Because there was a big possibility that they would get transferred back here and there was no point in all the hassle of getting me there. Do they come and visit once in a while? No, since there is also a possibility that they could get transferred sooner if they worked hard, they don't.

I got depressed for a while after I made up the story, lying in my bed. I _was_ living temporarily with my aunt, until she got sick of me and would eventually throw me out. And my parents were hopefully together in the same place, in the eternal paradise my mother always believed in. I crossed my fingers and said a silent prayer for them before crying myself to sleep. My first cry since I got here.

I blinked and looked around the familiar sight around me. At least my feet now remembered the way towards here, the last time I was so deep in my thoughts I'd absentmindedly walked ten blocks past the apartment. I smiled at the memory and walked past the crying child and up the stairs.

Wait.

I stopped dead on my tracks and took small, cautious steps backwards. A little girl was sitting all alone on the foot of the stairs, sobbing into her hello kitty mittens. I gulped.

_What to do? What to do? _Children have never been my specialty. Considering I was an only child and have never had close encounters with their kind, they made me uncomfortable. But… seeing as she was crying so hard, probably looking for her parents, my heart went out to her.

I carefully approached her and crouched down to meet her gaze, "W-what seems to be the problem, miss?" I mentally scolded myself for saying that; it wasn't how you talked to kids. I gulped and tried again, "What's wrong, sweetie?" I flinched at the endearment; it was how my mother used to address me.

She said nothing and cried harder. I shifted awkwardly. Children really weren't my thing.

"Are you lost?" she shook her head, "What is it then?"

"S… S-s-s" she managed to stammer through her sobs.

"Sss? Something? Somebody?... Santa?" I frowned at myself; the last thing I mentioned was ridiculous, but the holidays _were_ fast approaching.

I sighed exasperatedly and held out my hand. "C'mon."

She looked up at me through her tear-rimmed eyes, doubtful.

"Well, you can't just sit there crying, it would be rude to the people passing through and not to mention so unladylike." I took a step closer, but she was still hesitant. "C'mon. I'm not a psychopath and I'm not gonna lead you to a dark alley to stab you mercilessly… Trust me." This wasn't the proper way to talk to a crying child, but this was the only way I knew to deal with people.

She just looked at me, another fit of crying threatening to make its way. I had a slight flashback at the sight, remembering how my mother used to make me stop from throwing one of my bratty tantrums.

"Let's go get some ice cream." I said with a playful smile.

* * *

I sat beside her on the surprisingly comfortable couch placed near the entrance. I smiled as she happily munched on one of the mint chocolate chip ice creams of two that I charitably bought for her. I didn't raise any questions; I knew how crying so hard gave you an appetite afterwards.

I leaned over and said, "Would you mind telling me your name?"

She licked cream off her finger, "Rin."

"Well, Rin… Is it okay if I ask why you cried?"

"No." she simply stated, "I just… don't want them to leave. I don't like it." She frowned.

I frowned with her, and without even thinking, patted her head. "It's a tough life. Actually, life's a bitch, Rin. I should warn you now."

She looked at me with wide eyes, her mouth forming a small "o". I chuckled at how naïve she looked.

Our moment was cut short, however, when an oddly familiar voice said, "Rin,"

She immediately ran over to the figure, shouting "Sesshoumaru, you came back!"

* * *

Reviews are optional, of course. But very much appreciated. Warn me of any misspellings or wrong grammar, please?

Take care 


	8. Butterflies

Happy? Haha. This is more chapters than I've written in months.

Oh, and I'm happy to say that I've recovered from that awful breakup :D now it's MY turn to break hearts.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha.

Happy reading.

**Chapter 8: Butterflies**

**

* * *

  
**

Kagome's POV

"_Of course I came back, silly. I always come back." He said, messing up her hair._

"_This is for you!" Rin held up the second ice cream which was melting down her hand. He took it in his own and glanced at me before saying "You should've waited inside the apartment…"_

"_Mom had to leave for work." she frowned, then quickly regained her cheerfulness. "I made a friend!" she gestured towards me and beamed at him._

_He eyed me suspiciously. Rin looked back and forth between us, waiting for his approval. "Good for you" he finally said. But it sounded like he meant it more for me than his sister. "We should get inside now."_

_She nodded and clung to his arm as they walked to the stairs. I sighed before looking away. There was too much love for me to handle._

_I flinched when I felt someone pat me on the shoulder. It was Rin. _

_"Thank you!" she said, then planted a big wet one on my cheek. _

* * *

We sat in silence, unmoving, with him reading his usual book and me trying to pluck up the guts to say something.

"She called you her friend," he said out of nowhere, seemingly talking to himself.

"Pardon?"

"Rin… yesterday she referred to you as her friend."

"Is that a bad thing?"

He stopped reading. "Rin doesn't have friends, she has… playmates, but never friends."

I smiled, "More people ought to treat her ice cream then,"

He scoffed. "My sister, she's… different. She has trust and abandonment issues. That's why she eagerly waited for me to return, she can't calm herself down otherwise. And the fact that she called you her friend, it's… kinda a big deal."

"Oh…" I trailed off, but still hoping he'd share more. "It gets lonely… not having any friends…"

I glanced at him and caught him surveying me.

"Back when I was new and all," I added, meekly smiling.

He put his book down, for once focusing all his attention to me (A/N: or so she thought..xD). He had a serene expression on his face, just as he always did. The wind was messing up his hair, some locks falling on his highly profiled face, making him look somewhat boyish.

I smiled inwardly, unable to deny that I was developing a small crush on him.

"Isn't it unfair," he said "that you know so much about my life and yet you have shared nothing of yours…"

My eyes widened at his statement. "I wouldn't say that I know _so much_.. and technically, that was about your sister."

"Yes, but now you know that I have a sister, and who she is, and that still has something to do about my life."

"But the fact is, you have shared nothing about _yourself_."

He had the slightest of smiled on his face; I had the feeling he was enjoying this.

"Fine," he leaned against the wall. "I like mint chocolate chip ice cream."

I frowned. "I surmised as much, your sister practically worships the ground you walk on. Of course she also likes what you like."

"How very perceptive of you. Your turn, Higurashi"

"Then again I doubt she'd look up to you as much if she knew how you are at school."

"I said, your turn."

I rolled my eyes. "I like vanilla ice cream"

"When I was fourteen my father left us for another woman, my aunt."

I opened my mouth; it took a while for my thoughts to clear up. "Th-that wasn't really about you."

"Yes, but that affected me personally."

He was smiling now; I gritted my teeth, and took a deep breath. "My mother died three years ago."

He looked at me intently, the smile disappearing from his face. Seconds passed by. "I don't know what to say."

I couldn't help but smile. "Thank you for saying that… I'm so sick of people saying they're sorry."

"I get it," he said.

"You never did thank me for the ice cream," I muttered, trying to lighten the mood.

He smiled again. It suited him. "How very rude of me. Thank you, Kagome."

My heart jumped up my throat as he said my name.

Uh-oh. Trouble.

* * *

Y'happy Joe? Gay!

Review if you can.

Take care!


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